I am loving this program. I feel really good, I love cooking, even though I'm not that great at it, I'm never hungry, and my moods are in a great place. I still haven't had any cravings (even when hubby busted out the french bread yesterday). So far, I feel sated, taken care of (by myself, and my family who are supporting me in this-outside of the random stop packing the frig and please do the dishes requests. I've also tried cauliflower and beets again, and both times, not so bad (these used to make me run screaming from the room). I fry up some coconut flour chicken tenders to have with homeade fried potatoes, chili with tomato sauce, beef, tomatoes, pepper, and whatever greens I have on hand, lots of beef jerky, Gingerade Kombucha, Martinellis Sparkling Apple Cider for a treat, all of it is amazing. And, I pay attention when I eat now, and really taste everything. Some of my endevours so far:
While I always feel a deep soul connection with my sons in my heart, today I got to experience it through sound and touch. Let me explain:
On March 19, I was blessed to attend a vernal equinox outdoor blessing at a farm given by my friend, Rebekah. She sang a song to close the ceremony called Call down a Blessing. I had brought both of my sons to the blessing, but it was a -if you do this, Ill let you do this-kinda thing, and I wasn't thinking it would make an impact on either. They called out a few blessings there, which thrilled me, but again, didn't think much of it.
Today, my younger son started singing the song in the kitchen while getting ready for school. His blessings were peace and harmony. And after I persuaded him to walk the dog with me before getting on the bus, we walked and sang the song the whole time. It was magical.
As well, my oldest has been sick at home for the past three days. Today, he felt a little better, and I persuaded him to come on a walk with me to get some fresh air. The minute we stepped off the driveway, he grabbed my hand, and we walked the whole way around my neighborhood holding hands (he is 12, fyi). Magical, again.
Tomorrow, I'm taking them to a oneness blessing. (picture above is from the alter during my Deeksha blessing training this past weekend). Again, its a yes, you can get Annies Water Ice after, but I'm guessing we'll share a lot more than ice cream from it (well, they'll have the ice cream, anyway).
So far, cravings few and far between. Headache in the evening for two nights and massive body aches and pains for three nights (though that might be related to leading 108 sun salutes for the Spring Equinox on D1! without having done many in the past few months due to a wrist instability). Not feeling much different, though my mood swings have calmed considerably. And I am cooking constantly. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, repeat. My husband is annoyed about the dishes I leave around (since I'm normally too exhausted to wash them after I cook and eat). Sleep has been a little disturbed, which isn't normal for me, but the last two nights have been better. Haven't been exercising much, due to the not so lovely weather, but I plan to add that in next week when I have more energy.
Things Ive been reminded of: How sugar is in everything. And how my body really doesn't like eggs, as it came to light during what I'm calling the Farmhouse Mayo incident-too much egg in the mayo, and no more food in my belly (i'm sure you can imagine).
I also became a Deeksha blessing giver this weekend. Lots of digging deep into the psyche, excavating relationships in order to heal. And now I am part of the Oneness community. If you need a blessing, or want to come with me to blessing ceremonies on Thurs nights, let me know.
Lots of exciting changes, and forward movement, and now, another dinner to cook.
Multifaceted rainbows of light play in the corner of my eye, inviting me into their dance. I look outside to the trees and delight in the twinkling movement. Old crystal chandelier transformed into magical playground of lights in the trees overlooking a labyrinth created by my sons. I breathe in gratitude for nature, for play, for rainbows, for space, for hands digging in the ground to create mazes that bring us back to ourselves.
And she said, pick one room as part of my walking prayer, to choose space, rearrange energy, feel the calm and the beauty I can create with small shifts, dust cleared, everything wiped.
And I said, yes, that is what I must choose to do. Shift focus from the mess, the chaos, the liveliness of my home, the I hate cleaning my house mantra developed over years, into a devotional practice of cleaning/clearing surfaces to change the vibration of my home, to fill it with calm and nurture and space. In the overwhelm, choosing just one space, however, small, the more overwhelm, the smaller the space, and clearing it to refresh and renew the energy and the calm. To allow for flow and settle and peace.
Sunday night I began to eliminate: Foods that don't support me. Limiting beliefs that have kept me trapped in a body I don't recognize anymore...one I love, but try not to think about too often. I'm once again committing to my health and choosing to start with food (and water!).
Time to let the embarrassment I've been holding onto for the last 6 years come to the surface, be faced, and then go on. Time to explore the reasons I've been holding onto weight and dis-ease. Time to support any of you that want to join me on this path of exploration and letting go.
Let's do this.
I follow Hannah Marcotti obsessively. While I did not find my way to her until after we left IIN, she has served as muse since, guiding and grounding me through her words and iterations. Her current offering, Rooting In, Lifting Up, has brought me to my thoughts today. The Shift. Being so present that one thing can transform into another.
Daily, multiple times a day, I shift. Today, shifting from dread of reviewing a report, to allowing, getting it done first to allow the rest of the day to settle, and then to helping my son and my husband, both sick, to stay home and heal. Allowing them the space to do so, allowing myself permission to be upset at my schedule being turned upside down, just for a moment, and then moving into gratitude to be able to work from home and be able to take care of them.
Continual shifts daily, the rhythm ever changing, asking me to notice. Most times not being present and then, poof, I remember and am brought back. Outside with my feet in the grass, earthing. Inside with my head in the clouds, dreaming. Always, coming back to myself through breath, shifting.
Allowing the shift into unknowing, uncertainty, and yet choosing to feel safe, protected, and guided. Continuing to shift and flow into openness, space, allowing. Permission to feel and experience and be present.
Thank you, my muse. For reminding me of the deepest parts of my self, for doing the authentic excavation, sharing through your delicious words, and guiding us on the path.
BREATHE a little deeper
NOTICE your heart beating
GO OUTSIDE and walk barefoot in the grass
BREATHE once again
And once more, deeper still.
You are present now. You are calm now. You can do this.