As you might have noticed, I've been on the DL. My proclamation that I am leaving my FT job and the annual income that I've relied on to support me and my family for more than 11 years has found me in a little bit of a emotional freefall. One that has resulted in my avoidance of writing about it, of you not receiving anything from me in the last few weeks.
I'm now calling myself out on it and sharing my truth.
I'm scared. Scared that I am going to fail.
Scared that I haven't succeeded to the level that I have wanted to to this point, in this career I love, instead of the one I don't.
Sad I cannot currently support my family with my coaching income (though knowing its coming),
In knowing that I'm energetically holding on to weight since its an easy excuse for why I'm not successful yet,
In turning to food for comfort, to avoid my feelings, to feel anything but.
And at the root of all of this, scared that I am not loveable enough (isn't that at the root of every one of our fears?)¦
And yet, every time I feel these fear lately, even though I haven't found a way to write it, I find a way to verbalize it. To ask the universe for help. And then comes a support, an anchor, a touch, a smile, a song that sees me through the dark thoughts and the dark times. And it brings me back to my slightly off-center center. Back to who I want to be AND who I am. The person that wants to serve, to support, to stretch, to REMIND YOU THAT LIFE IS AMAZING, and dirty, and fun, and brilliant. The amazing woman that births babies, jumps out of planes, and dances on the beach (and tonight, at the park), no matter who is watching, feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
With that in mind, I invite you to:
GO AHEAD & GET MESSY and then JUMP in the OCEAN.
And may the light you need, the tether, the smile, the support-find you, bring you up from the depths to where you need to be, to your true self.
I'll be here, reminding you of your beauty and grace, mess and all.