For the past week, I’ve felt raw.

Nerves exposed.

On the brink of breakdown, and perhaps breakthrough.

Sleeping, lots.

Reading, lots.

Escape under the covers.   Safe.  Waiting there for answers that aren’t coming.

Allowing the depth of feelings, of crazy.

Tears always at the ready, threatening to escape at any moment.

Fear, of the unknown, of possibilities, of lack, of wanting.  

Wanting so much.

Glimpses of a future so bright and wonderful.

And its opposite.

Breath that calms, when I am ready to receive calm.  

Family that comforts and soothes, and then not.  

Trying to tease out the wonder, remember ease, surrender.

It is unknown until it is known.  

I will: Bear the unbearable.  Mend the heartbreak.  Face the fear.

Remember this is an adventure.

And there is joy and grace and love to be had in every moment, if I choose to see it.

It's always a choice.