The Shift

The Shift

I follow Hannah Marcotti obsessively.  While I did not find my way to her until after we left IIN, she has served as muse since, guiding and grounding me through her words and iterations.  Her current offering, Rooting In, Lifting Up, has brought me to my thoughts today.  The Shift. Being so present that one thing can transform into another.  

Daily, multiple times a day, I shift.  Today, shifting from dread of reviewing a report, to allowing, getting it done first to allow the rest of the day to settle, and then to helping my son and my husband, both sick, to stay home and heal.   Allowing them the space to do so, allowing myself permission to be upset at my schedule being turned upside down, just for a moment, and then moving into gratitude to be able to work from home and be able to take care of them.  

Continual shifts daily, the rhythm ever changing, asking me to notice.  Most times not being present and then, poof, I remember and am brought back.  Outside with my feet in the grass, earthing.  Inside with my head in the clouds, dreaming.  Always, coming back to myself through breath, shifting. 

Allowing the shift into unknowing, uncertainty, and yet choosing to feel safe, protected, and guided.   Continuing to shift and flow into openness, space, allowing.  Permission to feel and experience and be present.  

Thank you, my muse.  For reminding me of the deepest parts of my self, for doing the authentic excavation, sharing through your delicious words, and guiding us on the path.

And in the overwhelm

And in the overwhelm

 wishes in flight

BREATHE a little deeper

NOTICE your heart beating

GO OUTSIDE and walk barefoot in the grass

BREATHE once again

And once more, deeper still.

You are present now.  You are calm now.  You can do this.

She who cannot be contained

Comment

She who cannot be contained

 Photo by the amazing Ruth Clark.

Photo by the amazing Ruth Clark.

In celebration of her Too Muchness. 
Big hipped, loose lipped, sassy swagger, fierce hearted, emotional roller ocean all over, wanting more more more...

She Must Move,
gypsy girl spirit undulating snake rhythms hypnotizing,
slipping through your fingers, rattle you awake,
soul whisper wise woman running with the wolves and lurking in the corners of your dreams

Women are Wet: joy teary, heart weary with weeping, blood mooning,
milk letting down, down, down
on pink petals, sweet nectar glistening

Giving, tending, mending, gathering the seeds,
sowing the cycles of blue sky, green harvest, fire burn and dawning dew.

She calls: worship me, open me, love me,
be warrior enough to penetrate my tender trust with your presence,
unleash the blinding magnificence of this she-beauty,
the jewels in the temple are yours...

Or don’t.

You’ll find me here the same and ever changing,
luxuriating on the rose petal bed,
dipping my fingers in honey, sipping wine song,
and dancing in the sacred,
throbbing heart of Yes

- Lisa Schrader

 

Comment

Triple F

Comment

Triple F

fun flirty fabulous-that’s you baby

but triple F might be stuck in the muck that's called life.  Down in the douldrums under all the laundry to be done and the bathrooms to be cleaned

leave it all behind, baby, and take some time for you.  Climb to the top of the laundry pile and jump off, free as a bird, and close to the floor, so no pain on landing

that is, if you want to land

or should we soar like the birds, transmute into our dragonfly souls, wandering, enticing, mesmerizing…

it is you-

come out wherever you are.

IMG_5213.JPG

Comment

Comment

Long Overdue Thank Yous

Last summer, on my epic road trip, I met and stayed with some amazing women (and a great man), all of whom are using their special gifts to make their part of the world a better place.  Today, I’m sending out a special shout out to each one of them: much delayed, and sorely deserved. 

First, there’s Rita.  Rita and I met at the World Domination Summit only a week prior to the start of my trip.  By happenstance, we ended up sharing a room during the conference and I was introduced to a lady of immeasurable wit and a passion for life, hearts, and hugs.  Rita introduced me to a friend of hers via facebook who lives in Toronto, and whom, although she was leaving for Ireland the morning of our arrival that afternoon, let us stay in her condo for free without having any idea of who we are.  Thus the power of Rita Chand (aka LolaSpeaking and Cinderita).  So grateful she is in my life.     

A week later we made it to Denver, Co, home of the amazing Annemarie Milisen.  Annemarie is the woman that talked me off the edge when I had my mini-breakdown at the beginning of 2013.  She was the reason that I now work with Neuronutrient Therapy, and feel even-keeled most days.  She is the Founder and Director of Beacon for Balance, a nutrition coaching practice in Denver that works with busy professionals, and she is one of my closest friends.   She let us stay at her place for 5 days, even though she was preparing for a 250 mile hiking adventure on the Colorado Trail, and leaving on our day 3 of being there.  Talk about generosity.  I love her.  

Another week brought us to sunny Scottsdale, AZ, and the home of Tess Marshall and her husband Roger.  I met Tess online for a few minutes after she responded to my facebook post about needing a place to stay on our way to San Diego.  She too was a WDS attendee, and I guess as I was someone vetted by being there, she took a chance on me and the boys.  And thank goodness, because she is wonderful, her house is gorgeous, and her business, The Bold Life, is exactly in line with the trip we were on.  She welcomed us into her home and within 15 minutes, the boys and I were in swimsuits and enjoying the pool in the backyard.  It was amazing, and Tess’s infectious laugh and free spirit made us feel at home from the moment we arrived.  She inspires you to get off your butt and do something bold.

The kids desire to visit Legoland, and the power of the WDS facebook group brought us to the San Diego home of Michelle Jones, and her lovely children.  Her kids were about the same age of mine, and within 10 minutes, it was as though they had known and loved them all their lives.  I felt the same way.  Kindred spirits.  Her home is my dream home.  I got a room all to myself with an in-suite and a tempurpedic bed.  Heaven.  But the best part, I felt as though we were home away from home.  And so did the kids.  Ahh.  And then Michelle introduced me to her kites.  And they were uplifting and gorgeous and handmade.  She gifted me with two with the word SOAR on our last day there, and they inspired me all the way home.  And they adorned quite a few pics on the way back as well.  Boy, can those kites fly!, and benefit others too.  Amazing.

Katie McClain was the next person we had the pleasure of meeting in person.  Katie wrote the book How to Tame Your Thought Monster , and soon after it was published I won a copy, and used it to help my son through some tough times.  Katie then reached out and asked if she might coach Connor for a month, and I readily agreed.  Connor felt safe with her, and actually told her things I didn’t know.  It was a miracle.  Anyway, she offered to let us stay with her, but due to my thinking it unfair that her dog would need to go to a kennel, we decided just to stop in and say hello.  She had us meet her at her country club, and soon we were treated to dinner, the kids got to swim, and Connor got to meet the women that coached him all those months ago.  Wonderful how it worked out, and Katie is just as sweet and generous in person as she is online.  Katie is now working to help educators create cultures of kindness, cooperation, self confidence, and success with the kids they serve.  

After we left Katie’s, we went to my dear friend Tim’s house.  Tim and I were colleagues at Merck many years ago, and then he became one of my first coaching clients.  Though we get to see each other every few years, this was the first time I was able to come see him at his house, and he got to meet the kids.  I called him only a day before we arrived, and he dropped all his plans to see us and to take us out for breakfast the next morning.  Since we first met, Tim has become a yogi, traveling to India to study, and then a Transcendental Meditation teacher, and now he helps others connect to divine spirit, their own divinity, and to others through his kirtan practice.

After we left Tim’s place in Pascadena, we were headed to Yosemite, but we needed a place to stay on the way.  Again, WDS to the resuce.  Prior to the conference, I was invited to a party by my friend, Mike , and was introduced to a women that I have followed online for a year.   Molly Mahar, of Stratejoy, is a lovely women full of laughter, and divine spirit.  Her and I chatted at the party about her travels the months before, and about my trip, and she casually mentioned that if I make it San Luis Obispo, I should come stay with her.  Little did she know that I would take her up on it, but sadly, she was leaving for a trip the day we would be arriving.  So even though she wasn’t going to be there, she offered to let us stay at her home.  After driving for hours on the California freeway, her home was a welcome respite, and because it was the first time in days that we had no plans and no one to see, we spent many hours catching up on sleep, and then rejoicing when we found out they had Netflix (the boys were very TV deprived).  Molly is now pregnant with her second child, and still helping women all over the world find joy in their work and their life. 

To Rita, Annemarie, Tess, Michelle, Katie, Tim, and Molly-thank you so much for sharing your homes and your lives with my boys and I.  I am so grateful and hope one day to have the opportunity to grace you with the generosity you have shown me.  Much love to you and to those you hold dear.

And to all of the other amazing people we encountered on our trip and online, we wish you love, peace, and joy for the New Year.

 

Comment

The Day Job

Comment

The Day Job

Yesterday I went back to a day job.  

I’ve been marinating in my business and trying to figure out why I haven’t been showing up for it 100%. 

I had no idea.  Something felt off.  I was stopping myself from really looking at it.  Instead I was just looking for a way to pay the bills once my unemployment ran out instead of diving deep into what I want to create in my life and my business.

Honestly, while the past 6 months have been the least I’ve worked in the last 15 years, they have also been some of the most stressful.  I thought leaving my day job and having time and space to develop my business would be wonderful.    But then I found myself sleeping in every morning.  Then making excuses for not making dinner, or for not working out.  I basically sat on my ass and did nothing for 6 months.  Well, not exactly nothing, but nothing of consequence that I made a difference in my health or in my business.

Then about three weeks ago, I had an Akashic record reading with a friend of mine from Holistic MBA.  I was considering enrolling in her 10 month program and that was the entry point to see if we were a good fit.

The reading put things into much better perspective for me.  Ilearned that I am deeply in the midst of some radical change so that I can become a leader of women ready to make their own change and lead.  All of the yuck I’ve been feeling over the last year has been necessary in order for me to facilitate change in others, and guide them to bloom into their bright and brilliant selves so they too can serve and uncover and step into their purpose.  While I am still not sure the stewing process is over, I know now that it’s ok to be where I am.   To be uncertain, raw, and untethered.  And to be 100% honest about it, knowing that the women that will be helped by my struggle are exactly those women I am meant to serve.

The day job is just a means to an end.  Something to make me feel stable and secure while everything else is upended.

I am remaining open, and starting to dive deep. 

I am here for you in your struggle too, and serve you with love and truth.

Together we can go forward into this unknown landscape and make a difference, shine a light, laugh, and marvel in all that surrounds us and all that we are. 

All while working a day job.

 

Comment

Comment

Happy Birthday to Me

Last Friday was my 41st birthday.

The Big 4-1.

Last year for my 40th, I threw myself a spectacular party.  This year, on a budget and feeling out of sorts, I told my husband that I didn’t want a present or a big to do-that we should save the money for the kid’s birthdays (5 and 6 days after mine) and Christmas.  I don’t need anything, anyway.  Or when I do I tend to find it a garage sale (I adore garage sales, if you didn’t know that).  I thought maybe we would invite a few people over for dinner, and then realized that I get embarrassed having people over now since I always ask them to bring pot-luck, and I didn’t want to feel that way that night.

And then I discovered my friend Mike was hosting a party in NYC. 

I like NYC in small doses.  A party that went from 6:30-9:30pm, that’s small doses.  But it was still a little overwhelming to think about.  I tend to have about two good hours of mingling in me before my introvert comes out and the only thing I was to do is be home in my comfy bed with some warm socks and a good book.  And with a two hour drive each way, that wasn’t happening.  To top it off, I only knew Mike, and there were supposed to be 150 people there.   Pretty intimidating. 

I left it up to the fates to decide.  If my husband could get a half day at work, we would go.  If not, whole night in bed cuddling it would be.  He got off of work.

And then I upped the ante.  Inspired by the success of my cross country road trop this summer where my kids and I spread a lot of joy, I asked 41 of my Facebook friends to hug someone in my honor, and I vowed to hug 41 people myself.  Might as well go crazy, right, and what a way to ensure that I connect with people rather than hiding in the corner. 

And so we went.  I got dressed at noon so I wouldn’t lose my nerve, and I looked hot.  High boots, cool skirt, a top that makes my boobs look spectacular.  We left at 1:30 and actually got into the city (and found a free parking spot to boot!) by 4.  We had to pee so bad once we got there, and luckily were able to use the facilities at the nearest restaurant we saw ( Il Bastardo on 21st and 7th).  They just so happened to have a great happy hour, and we had 2 hours to kill before heading to the party, so we stayed for an early dinner.

At the bar, I grabbed a little liquid courage (for me, that’s only ½ a glass), and started the process of hugging everyone at the bar (including the sexy English bartender, meooooow).  The people I asked were so excited to be part of my quest, and one person even suggested #41hugs for promotion purposes. Connected to strangers with a single hug.  Lovely.

The time passed quickly and soon it was time to go to the party.  On the way there, we passed the Museum of Sex, and decided to go back and check out the gift shop there to see how spicy it really was.  Committed to making it the funnest party ever (per Mike’s email to us pre-party with those exact words), I got a feather tickler to make my introductions memorable (and yes, someone later that night called me the worst introvert ever…I swear I am). 

The party hadn’t even started when we got there, so I was able to say hi to my friend early and know that even if I ducked out 15 minutes later, it would be ok since I said hello.  Two hours later, after meeting maybe 6 people (including this awesome girl that has the same biting wit as one of my favorite authors, Jen Lancaster), and saying hello to the two others I already knew, we headed out.

I felt bad that I didn’t connect with more people.  That I didn’t talk up my work, and my 41 hugs quest (I only got to about 27 by the end of the night, not including my family).  But I was done.    My head hit the pillow at 12:45pm.

Since Friday, I’ve been reading blog posts by others at the party, talking about all the amazing people they met, and how they connected deeply.  Truth was, for me, I felt disconnected there.  For many of the people that I tried to connect with, they seemed distracted by all of the other people that were there that they rather talk to than me.  FOMO, perhaps.  Some even were rude, and some seemed to be feeling the same way I was.  

Today, I was listening to an interview by Susan Cain, author of Quiet, and was struck when she said most introverts find it easiest to scope out a kindred spirit at a party or networking event, and to be ok with finding just that one person at every event.  Someone you really connect with…eventually you’ll have a bunch of people you’re truly connected to, that see you and love your work, instead of a bunch of cards for people you don’t remember and that don’t remember you. 

And for that, despite my social discomfort, and the fact that my sexy boots killed my feet and I had to hobble long blocks to the car, the night was successful: 

1)    I left the house

2)    I hugged strangers

3)    I let my playful side come out

4)    I challenged myself

5)    I knew when it was time to quit and acted on it

6)    I met a kindred spirit

7)    I felt supported and loved by my husband
 

Happy 41 to me. 

 

Comment